Loving Our Kids on Purpose

I just ordered Loving Our Kids on Purpose from Amazon.com. A dear friend recommended it in passing the other day. So I read a few independent reviews (like this one) yesterday and they were all quite positive. I once read Grace Based Parenting by Tim Kimmel and I loved it, but it didn't give me any practical ideas and left me feeling overwhelmed that I just couldn't pull it off. Supposedly Loving Our Kids on Purpose gives more practical ways to walk out parenting our children with grace.  And don't those 2 cuties deserve it?

A friend had this as her status the other day:

I would say ere on the side of grace. With kids, we think it's so important to teach them the rules and to be like Christ and to do the right things. I think that's important, but it can give a false reflection of Christ. Because Christ wasn't really about rules, as much as He was about relationships. ~Lisa Whelchel (from her book The Facts of Life)

And that's where I want to live … in grace, giving grace … I want grace to permeate every fiber of my being, on the inside and on the outside.  I just have no idea how to do it!  I don't know what it looks like at all.  When I speak I am usually pretty harsh, especially with my girls.  Brandon and I have recently both realized how we can be that way even in just answering simple questions with each other.  We find ourselves apologizing all the time for speaking to one another like the other is an idiot.  I don't want to be that way with anyone, but especially with my children … I want to be gentle and kind, with the fruit of the spirit overflowing out of me.

The same dear friend said this to me the other night:

I don't want my children to have to fight battles that I should have won.

And I feel the same way.  I am fighting battles that I never want them to have to fight, that I want to win in order that they can walk in the grace and freedom and love of Christ.  So … I should receive my new book next Tuesday.  I pray that God uses it to open my eyes even more and teach me how to walk in His perfect love.

God Gave Me Grace

We need a new couch and chairs for our living room badly. They are literally falling apart. The other night we were out looking at furniture. The place we visited closed exactly 1 hour after we arrived, so we didn't have a lot of time to look at the vast selection the store has.

On your mark, get set … GO! That's how I felt. I was quickly perusing the couches, trying to get it all in while we had time. About 15 minutes into our search Grace announced, "I need to go potty!!" I was frustrated. It seems like she ALWAYS has to go potty at times like that. But we were in family store, so I nicely asked made Lydia take Grace to the potty for me. All was well … until Lydia came out and announced (for all to hear) that Grace had gone poopy and wanted me. Grrr. I did say that at the time - out loud. Sigh. I did that too … and loudly. Again, I was frustrated and irritated.

I love my husband so much. Immediately upon hearing my pity party he said, "I think God gave you Grace to teach you about what's important in life." Mumbling under my breath I marched to the bathroom and helped Grace. When I got there, I sighed again. Not because of Grace, but because of me. I knew in that instant that Brandon was right. I wanted to cry, but I thought it would be best for everyone if I waited to lose it.

I have been pondering that statement every moment since Monday evening. Literally … every.waking.moment. I am self-centered. When I think about it I am utterly amazed at the amount of self-absorption in my heart. Truly I wonder so often why the Lord let me have children at all.  How can I be a good mother and be so consumed with myself?

This has been an ongoing battle within for many years.   For far too long I have thought that the most important thing in life is … me!  There, I said it.  I admit it.  Although I know that I am not the center of the universe, I really believe that I am.  You know what I mean? In other words, I live my life as if I really am the center. This is a problem, no?  Yes.  A HUGE problem ... a GIGANTIC issue that causes me trouble daily. I lose my temper, I become angry, I get irritated and frustrated, and I know that I make others around me uncomfortable (at the very least!).

Grace is a wonderful little girl. She is full of life and so loving and fun. And she is stubborn and headstrong. She gives me a run for my money. She has been a source of tremendous joy, as well as a source of contention, since she was born.

Ah yes. A source of contention. Do you know what contention means? A striving to win in competition; a rivalry. I think that is an appropriate word here - the best one actually. I really think that God is using her in my life to show me that the sun doesn’t rotate around me. But man, have I ever been in a competition with her! And what is funny is that she is not competing with me. She has no idea. She’s just doing the childish thing. She is, after all, a child.

As I sit here and type this it sounds so silly to say it. I mean, I’m an adult, almost 40 (gasp!), and I should know better. But I guess I don’t.

I have absolutely no idea how to change. As Paul writes, “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.” I truly hate it. I hate being so selfish. I know that it leads to difficulty, not only for me, but also for my family and my friends when they have to endure it. But I have no idea how to change.

"I think God gave you Grace to teach you about what's important in life." Sigh. I know that he’s right. I want to learn this lesson. But how do I change? I guess awareness is the first step ...