What is God saying?

We left for our last camping trip on a Sunday afternoon. That morning was busy at church, but I was able to sneak away for a few moments and listen to the message. One thing was said that truly impacted me. Buddy (our pastor) talked about, among other things, how God speaks through creation.

They know the truth about God because he has made it obvious to them. For ever since the world was created, people have seen the earth and sky. Through everything God made, they can clearly see his invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature. So they have no excuse for not knowing God. (Romans 1:19-20)

and

The heavens proclaim the glory of God. The skies display his craftsmanship. Day after day they continue to speak; night after night they make him known. They speak without a sound or word; their voice is never heard. Yet their message has gone throughout the earth, and their words to all the world. (Psalm 19:1-4)

and

In the past he permitted all the nations to go their own ways, but he never left them without evidence of himself and his goodness. For instance, he sends you rain and good crops and gives you food and joyful hearts.” (Acts 14:16-17)

And Buddy suggested that when we take notice of creation, for instance when we see a purple flower to ask God, "What are you saying?" That stuck with me while we were camping.

The next morning I awoke to birds singing in the trees. So I asked God, "What are you saying?" Immediately the song Amazed by Lincoln Brewster came to mind …

You dance over me

while I am unaware

You sing all around

But I never hear a sound … 

For the Lord your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs. (Zephaniah 3:17)

A wonderful way to wake up, don't you think? Still later that day we went hiking in the woods to see the Helton Creek Falls. They are somewhat secluded and if you don't know they are there you'll never go back into the woods as far as needed to see them. But we did. And as I was hiking and hearing the waters rush and crash from the falls I asked God, "What are you saying?" And He replied, "I am powerful." Yes. He definitely is.

At another point that day the girls were playing in the creek that ran behind our campsite. It is a lovely creek and the sound of the gentle babbling waters was glorious. Again, I asked God, "What are you saying?" and He replied, "I am powerful, yet I am gentle."

And again, I saw flowers just beginning to bloom and I asked, again, "What are you saying?" and He replied, "Look at what I can do!"

God is amazing. And I enjoyed an incredible week with Him simply reveling in His creation and listening to Him speak through it all. I highly recommend it … just will be amazed too!

Lent and Me

Here I sit after a good run this morning pondering what God is calling me to these days. I've enjoyed several nice mornings with Him lately, not the least of which was today. I've had Lent on my mind since Ash Wednesday was yesterday.

Growing up we never practiced Lent and I have long thought it to be some archaic practice for legalists or Roman Catholics, and not for me. But my heart is changing and each year of the last several I have sought to discover just what Lent means for me. In its simplest form Lent is simply a time of fasting from Ash Wednesday to Maundy Thursday. But really, it's much more than that. As Ann Voskamp sums it up so well,

"It’s the preparing the heart for Easter. Like going with Jesus into the wilderness for forty days, that we might come face to ugly face with our enemy. Our sacrificing that we might become more like Christ in His sacrifice"

And that's what it means for me. Sacrificing that I might become more like Christ in His sacrifice. Each year at this time I think about what I might sacrifice. And each year I think about sugar or yelling or something like that. And I make it for maybe a week. Then I cave. And then I forget.

But this year. This year seems … different. Yesterday I read Why Do Lent? Why A Failing Lent Actually Succeeds (& a Booklist). God spoke to me through her words. Sacrifice that you might be more like Christ in His sacrifice. I encourage you to visit Ann's blog and read her God-given wise words for yourself and see if they inspire you as they do me.

Coming face to ugly face with our enemy. Isn't that what Jesus did when He was in the wilderness for those 40 days? And so it is with me. I MUST come face to ugly face with my enemy. Over the recent weeks God has been steadily showing me how my enemy distracts me. From Jesus, from my family, from this precious life that He has granted me. Distractions. Some distractions seem good, many even seem so tiny they can't possibly be distractions. And yet they are distractions … from Him.

And so, for many reasons that I feel unable to articulate, not the least of which is that I allow it to suck time and life from me, I am giving up facebook for Lent. That may sound just silly to some. And I understand that. But for me it is huge. No, I don't find myself lost in Farmville or anything like that. It's simply that, well, it's a distraction. A big one. And I would be lying if I said that I thought it would be easy. I know I'll miss it. Late night chats with my sis-in-law, silly comments from friends that make me laugh. And … here's the brutal honesty … I'll miss the validation of myself and my activities from friends and family.

But if I am going to come face to ugly face with the enemy of my soul, then I must deal with the distractions from the Lord that present themselves to me. So here I go. Pray for me?






p.s. if you are a facebook friend and you want to get in touch with me, please comment here or email me: onecrazychicken at comcast dot net … thanks!! Love you friends!

Current Prayers ...

This is my prayer these days:

Third Day - Revelation

My life has led me down the road that's so uncertain

Now I am left alone and I am broken

Trying to find my way

Trying to find the faith that's gone

This time I know that you are holding all the answers

I'm tired of losing hope and taking chances

On roads that never seem

To be the ones that bring me home

Give me a revelation

Show me what to do

'Cause I've been trying to find my way

I haven't got a clue

Tell me should I stay here

Or do I need to move

Give me a revelation

I've got nothing without you

I've got nothing without you

My life has led me down this path that's ever winding

Through every twist and turn, I'm always finding

That I am lost again

Tell me when this road will ever end

I don't know where I can turn

Tell me, when will I learn

Won't you show me where I need to go

Let me follow your lead

I know that it's the only way that I can get back home

Don't worry … it's a good thing … :)

Christmas Customs - Advent Calendar

Advent. I just like the word. Advent. It means important arrival and it's a time when I attempt to build eagerness and anticipation into my family for the coming of Christmas. Christmas. Christ's Mass.  Christ's celebration.

I read this quote yesterday:

The Church does not superstitiously observe days, merely as days, but as memorials of important facts. Christmas might be kept as well upon one day of the year as another; but there should be a stated day for commemorating the birth of our Saviour, because there is danger that what may be done on any day, will be neglected.

~Samuel Johnson

This resonates with me. A day set aside. A time to focus our attention. May I never forget that Jesus, though in the very nature God, He did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to death, even death on a cross!

Why? For the joy set before Him to justify many, to bear our iniquities.

To kick off our advent we begin the 25 days of Christmas today. I have been working on an advent calendar and I finally completed late last night:

Each envelope is decorated with the lyrics to a Christmas song and a number.

It's quite long, as you can see. It would only fit on my {bare} bookshelves. I'm saving the mantles for other things, as well as the staircase, so I couldn't use those. It does, however, keep the calendar down at their level.

This one has one of Grace's favorite Christmas/Winter songs:

The day's envelope is filled with an activity. Some are simple (like draw & color a Christmas picture or dance & sing to Christmas music) and some are more involved (like make gingerbread house or go ride the Pink Pig). And still others are seriously about giving to others (like delivering gift to neighbors or buying gifts for villages from Samaritan's Purse).

Along with each activity are notes from Ann Voskamp's A Jesus Advent Celebration Devotional. They have the verses for the day, a prayer and something to think about related, called "Unwrapping More of His Love in the World."

I'm looking forward to looking forward with my family. Do you celebrate Advent? If so, how do you do it?

1000 Things

I ♥ Thanksgiving. It's always been one of my favorite holidays. I think it's because it marks the end of my favorite season. Officially.  The day after Thanksgiving, Christmas always begins in my heart. It's been that way since I was a child. And I refuse to even think about Christmas until after Thanksgiving is over. And then there's all the food and family. One thing that I haven't been doing just for the holiday this year is think about what I am thankful for. {gasp}. Why? Because of this:

It's my 1000 Things notebook. In it I write everything that I am thankful for. Even Sharpie markers. EVERY.THING. I have listed serious things (such as an honest husband) to not so serious things (like Polaroids). They are numbered and dated each time I write.

I am daily recording my thanksgiving. It's cultivating a gratefulness in me that I don't think was really there before. Daily. Be thankful in {ALL} things … this is what I am learning to do.

I got the idea from Ann Voscamp, who is completely lovely … I am thankful for her ♥

So just a few details: the notebook is small (4x6) and has plastic covers so that I can carry it with me and it won't become damaged. I can replace the card in the front cover any time to change the design if I'd like (you know me and changing designs!). I bought this particular one at Borders, but you could really use any notebook you wish.

I encourage you to begin a 1000 Things notebook for yourself. It has really changed my perspective and grown gratefulness in my heart.

Happy Thanksgiving!

the eye of the beholder

So … I have wasted A LOT of film.  {translate that as I have lost some of my $!} … However, I have also tumbled upon information that I previously did not know.  I have been enlightened.  And it cost me some precious pennies.  And this is what I have come to understand: light is fundamental for proper development.  Bright light.  Bright SUN light.  And it's imperative to leave the exposure compensation alone, dead-center.  At least for my particular beloved Polaroid.  Dead.Center.

During this process of enlightenment I became frustrated.  I made several under-developed or blurry (or both) photographs.  It was a pain.  And I was seemingly-wasting precious film (and $!).  But one day the lightbulb came on and … A HA!  Bright Sunlight is the key! I was so excited to discover this.  Here are my latest Polaroids:

 The fence around my garden ♥

 Grace with her Bitty Baby stroller ♥

And Grace being silly ♥

To many of you these pictures may not be pleasing.  Some may wonder why in the world take the time and money to make these photos with an old-school Polaroid when I have a perfectly wonderful new digital camera with which to make fabulously flawless photos.  And I do ♥ my digital camera.  But there's just something about the Polaroid that thrills me.

God has been revealing Himself to me over the past couple of months and peeling back the onion layers.  And I am becoming wild about imperfection. I find myself growing WILDly in love with things that are flawed.

And me?  I am flawed.  I am most certainly not perfect {surprise!} … I am broken.  And it has taken me YEARS to realize that it is okay.  In fact … God is WILD about my non-perfection!  He is WILDLY in love with people who are flawed!  Me being one of those precious, imperfect souls.

That's hard for me to write actually.  That I am precious.  That I am imperfect.  And that God loves me wildly anyway.  Maybe even BECAUSE of it.

In order to discover this truth, however, it was crucial that I be in the Light.  Bright LIGHT.  Oh sure, I go to church and cherish good God-honoring music and I talked with the Lord from time to time.  But that wasn't bright Light and most of the time my life was blurry and under-developed.  As I have begun to spend more and more time in the BRIGHT Light of the Father's presence and in the precious Light of His Word, I am starting to see just how fundamental it is for proper development.

Now, "proper development" is in the eye of the beholder.  Some may behold my Polaroids and think that I am crazy for thinking they are lovely.  And some may think I am wasting my time, my talents, my money.  I have even thought those thoughts from time to time.  But when I sit down and look at my properly developed Polaroids I simply adore them.  And I don't really care what anyone else thinks.

I am aware that I am guilty of concern over who is beholding me in my life.  What will ______  think?  Does ______ like me?  If only I were perfect at ______!  Such concerns make for an exhausting and sell out life.  But I have learned that it's only important that God is beholding me.  And to Him I am perfectly imperfect.  And I like it that way.  I don't really need to care what anyone else thinks.

Who Knew??

I planned on spending a lot of time this summer working on my house. I knew that the lack of a schedule would afford me the opportunity to spend some good time purging, rearranging and redecorating. My house is so in need of it … it's LONG overdue! But today I realized that it's not happening. At least not in the way that I had planned.

Proverbs 16:9 says "In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps."

Who knew that instead of giving my house some TLC this summer I would be giving my HOME some TLC. That's right. My HOME, not my house … it's being purged, rearranged and redecorated.

My house is still in a mess … there's still too much stuff here and so much that needs to be cleaned and organized. But my family was … IS … in need of attention. And they get first priority.

And as I have come to this realization I find myself breathing a sigh of relief! For the past few days I have been a little bent out of shape that I still haven't really accomplished much around here (physically) and it's already July 7th. BUT in reality SO MUCH is being accomplished. Oh, the details will come later. Suffice it to say that the Lord has determined my steps for this summer and they aren't really the course that I had planned. He has me working diligently on my home … my family and myself … rather than on my house.

His thoughts are not my thoughts and my ways are not His ways. His ways & His thoughts are higher than mine. A few weeks ago I found myself truly humbled before the Lord and asked that He would grant me wisdom. Praise His name He gives generously without finding fault!!

This purging that is happening in my home, this rearranging and redecorating, it's MUCH harder than any physical work I could be doing on my house at the moment. But it's oh, so worth it. I pray that I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me!

Seeing

Yesterday evening I made Chicken Succotash for my family.  It's an easy, yummy summer meal - the recipe is here.  It's a nice little intermingling of goodness and flavors from corn and lima beans and tomatoes and chicken and cream.  And I found myself, as I was preparing to bring the meal to the table, so thankful for God's goodness that He created these flavors for us to enjoy.

And then when we sat down to dinner I saw this:

And immediately I was enraptured with God's incredible wonderfullness.  Yes.  When I saw the blue napkins and the salt & pepper and the pink tiger lily on my table I found myself delighted in the Lord!  I just sat there for a moment thinking about how cool God is.  The tiger lily is so beautiful … look at this:

Wow!!  Why did He make something so beautiful?  Why did He create beauty?  He didn't have to do  that!  Truly!   And why colors and sunsets and oceans?  He didn't have to make all those wonderful things!  Think about dog food for a minute.  It contains everything that a dog needs for nourishment.   God could have just provided something like that for us to eat.  But no!  He made pink tiger lillies and the color blue and the yumminess of tomatoes.  Why?  Because He is God.  And because He is good.  Romans 1:20 says that by taking a long and thoughtful look at what God has created, people have always been able to see what their eyes as such can't see: eternal power, for instance, and the mystery of his divine being. So nobody has a good excuse  (The Message).

And last night, for the first time I think, I saw with my physical eyes God's goodness, God's mercy, and God's incredible grace.  In the beauty of the wonderful world that He created for us I saw Him.

And that is where I want to dwell every moment of every day …

How He Loves!

This is my song for the week … I think for this season of my life! I am constantly reminded about How He loves us!!




How He Loves


He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realise just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.


And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all


Yeah, He loves us,
Oh! how He loves us,
Oh! how He loves us,
Oh! how He loves.


We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
And Heaven meets earth like an unforseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…


Yeah, He loves us,
Oh! how He loves us,
Oh! how He loves us,
Oh! how He loves.

Journaling ...

Journaling my morning meetings with the Father ...

O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you;
my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.

So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary, beholding your power and glory.

Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you.

So I will bless you as long as I live; in your name I will lift up my hands.

My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food, and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips,

when I remember you upon my bed, and meditate on you in the watches of the night;

for you have been my help, and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy.

My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me.

Psalm 63:1-8

A Gift to Myself

I bought myself a new Bible and a new journal today. And a new pen too :) !


Considering that I feel as though I am truly coming alive for the first time, I wanted them to kind of commemorate my new-found freedom. All 3 have flowers on them to represent growth and life.


I am very excited to crack them both open in the morning as I spend time with the Father learning more about Him and His crazy love for me!

2010 Garden Musings

Along with completely redoing the inside of our house, we are also redoing the outside. It's been sort of a mess for a while now.

And speaking of being sort of a mess for a while … I think all the renovating we're doing on our home is simply a reflection of what is going on INSIDE of me. Since we have lived here I have been going through a lot … starting with a miscarriage (we moved her in the midst of it), then a rough pregnancy, but great delivery of a healthy and wonderful, but very demanding little girl (but oh, does she bring me joy!!). After that there was some personal and relationship junk & experiences that just left me dry spiritually and emotionally. And as my soul sat fallow so did my home.


But I feel like I am waking up as I am seeking the Lord with my whole heart … I am breaking up this fallow ground and through this process I am coming alive again.

Speaking of coming alive again … I finally (FINALLY) planted my veggie garden for this year. It is MUCH smaller than last year's garden. Last year I went a little crazy and decided that I would plant enough stuff to can for the coming winter. Little did I know that I had actually planted too little, even though I planted a lot! So I never had enough of anything at one time to can and we got tired of having zucchini at every meal along with zucchini bread, zucchini muffins, etc. Confession time! I got so overwhelmed by the garden that I just let it become overgrown. There. I said it. All 3 of you who think that I am Caroline Ingalls can collectively gasp now! ;-)

Seriously, though, I think it's a picture of my heart's condition. I got overwhelmed and just gave up rather than plowing through it, doing what it took to make it what it needed to be. I wasn't even going to plant a garden this year. Caroline Ingalls here was not going to do it this year. I had given up on the gardening thing. Much as I had given up and allowed my soul to become neglected and impoverished.

Back to the garden … this year I thought it was wise to scale back. A lot. So I just have 3 better boys, 3 romas, 3 jalapenos, 2 zucchini and some basil, oregano, thyme, and cilantro. Just a little 8' x 14' plot. And nothing fancy. Just a mound of dirt with some plants. And it just may soon be the burial ground for my dog if I find another broken plant like I did this afternoon!


I also have fruit! Yes … strawberries and blueberries! OK … another confession time. That overwhelmedness at my garden last year also pertained to my strawberries. So I sat their pots on the side of the yard (where my old/new plot is) and left them there to … die. Yes. I know. But guess what?? They didn't die!! In fact … they are thriving! We picked enough to fill a large bowl the other day:



And my blueberries? Well, the only bad thing I did with them last year was that I didn't cover them with a bird net and so birds ate every.last.one. I won't make that mistake this year! I need to go get one this week as a matter of fact … check them out:


So lovely!

What a joy it is was to look over one day and see the wonderful, red, juicy strawberries growing! And after I had just left them to die! It's such a great metaphor for my heart's condition and for the Father's love for us. I just left my heart to die. Truly that is what I did. But God, in His graciousness and faithfulness has seen to it that I come back to life! Oh how He loves us!

I am looking forward to a fruitful summer!

All Grace

Can I tell you that I am about half way through the Seeking Him study and I don't want it to end?! Seriously ... it is rocking my world. And I love it. I have truly needed a revival for a long, long time. God is using this study to speak to my heart, to strengthen me, to encourage me ... to revive me! Oh, how He loves us!

I have learned several things lately ... about myself, about my God. But I wanted to share one thing in particular that grabbed me at the end of last week. I am on the chapter simply titled: Grace. We've talked about God's miraculous saving grace, but on Friday the topic turned to his wonderful sanctifying grace. I desperately need that sanctification that only comes through HIS grace.

Nancy writes in the study:

As Christians, we recognize that we are saved by God's grace alone, totally apart from our own effort or ability. However, many Christians mistakenly think that once they're saved. it's up to them to live the Christian life - that they can somehow be sanctified by their own effort and ability. So they struggle and strive to become "good Christians," failing to realize that they cannot live the Christian life apart from God's grace, any more than they can be saved apart from God's grace.

I know this quote is about me. I immediately knew (as the Holy Spirit spoke to me) when I read that quote that I have been struggling and striving. And looking back I knew that wasn't right, but I never applied the truth to my own life. It's as if a light bulb came on in my heart. I absolutely cannot live the abundant life that Jesus promised apart from God's grace any more than I can enter God's kingdom apart from Him.

I am so guilty of many times thinking that living the abundant, Spirit-filled life is just way too hard and that it can't be done by everyone. I have long thought, deep down in my heart, that it's only possible for a select few who have it all together. John Piper said:

Grace is not simply leniency when we have sinned. Grace is the enabling gift of God not to sin. Grace is power, not just pardon.

Grace is power. Wow. I have so much more that I could go on about from my study the other day. But I really wanted to focus on the following:

And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work.

That's 2 Corinthians 9:8. And in this passage Paul is exhorting the Corinthians about the grace of giving. But I find it interesting that in this verse Paul uses the words ALL and EVERY. He not just talking about one good work here (giving), he's talking about ALL good works. I know I have already written so much in this post, but do you mind if I dig in a little here?

God is able. Able is translated from the Greek dunatos. It means mighty, powerful, strong. It comes from the Greek word dunamai, which means "to have power". We get our word dynamite from this Greek word. The dictionary says the word able means "having the necessary power." The necessary power. God is able ... He has the necessary power. I need that because I don't have the necessary power on my own!

What is it that God is able to do? To make all grace abound to you and me. All grace. What does all mean? The Greek word here is pas and it means ... ALL! Ha! By the way, did you know that the Greek word charis (which is translated as "grace") comes from the Greek word chairo? Chairo means "to rejoice exceedingly, to be glad, to thrive." I find that extremely interesting! Next is the word abound. Before I even look it up it speaks to me. But let's look it up anyway :) . Abound comes from the Greek word perisseuo which means to exceed, to overflow. It comes from the Greek word perissos which means abundant. Wow. The dictionary says that abound means to be fully supplied, to occur or exist in great quantity.

So ... God has the necessary power to make all grace (His benefits, favor, loving-kindness that enable us to rejoice and to thrive) be fully supplied and to overflow to you and me.

That truth is awesome in and of itself! But when I see it along with the second half of the verse, well I just want to burst with excitement! Oh how I need Him!

The next part of the verse says "so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work." Of course, all means all ;), but what about sufficiency? That's from the Greek word autarkeia and it means - get this - "a perfect condition of life in which no aid or support is needed." The dictionary defines it simply as enough. Now, I have read some people expound on this verse and say that it means "self-sufficiency", but I truly do not believe that is the intent. Self-sufficiency ... are you kidding? That's what gets us into all kinds of trouble! That's what has gotten me in the mess I am in! No, I truly believe that God's intention is for us to find our sufficiency in Him, so there is no thought in our minds that we need anything or anyone else but Him. He is simply enough!

And what about "in all things at all times"? Wow. Do you need God's grace in all things at all times? I do! Oh wait ... there's that abound word again: "... so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work ...".  Abound.  I like that word.  Remember what it means?  To exceed, to overflow, to be fully supplied, in great quantity.  What will abound?  Every good work.  In this passage good comes from the Greek word agathos which means, well, good.   And work comes from the Greek ergon, and that means "that which one undertakes to do." 

So let me see if I can sum it up.  God has the necessary power to make all grace (His benefits, favor, loving-kindness that enable us to rejoice and to thrive) be fully supplied and to overflow to you and me so that we have enough of what we need at all times and in all things so that we will be fully supplied and overflowing in every good thing that we undertake to do.

Are you still with me?  Is that awesome?  Is God wonderful?  I need to know this truth.  I need to apply this truth.  I need to live in it.  Every good thing that I undertake to do, God is able to supply all that I need to accomplish it.  Oh that I would walk in this truth!  Oh how I need him!  Oh how He loves us!

Humility and Me, Myself & I

Yeah. I don't think we get along too well. You know how yesterday I wrote about my apprehension at sharing some things with you that God is showing me? Well … I feel like I must write about what I learned this morning (even though I am still unsure about my level of transparency!). If not for you, then just for me to organize my thoughts and gain some more insight. So here goes …

Remember that my word for this year is SELFLESS?  It's an area that I struggle with a lot and an issue that God is dealing seriously with me about.

In our study this week's topic is repentance. Ooooo. Ouch! Not a fun topic for me. I am more remorseful than repentant. But I won't go into that now - it's one of the issues that I'm unsure if I want to be transparent about.

Today was about having a change of mind … recognizing & running from temptation and responding quickly to the Holy Spirit's conviction. That change in mind - true repentance - will result in a change in my behavior (Matthew 3:8, Luke 3:8, Acts 26:20). NO WONDER I have not seen a change in my behaviors that I struggle with!!!  I've not been repentant, I've simply felt bad about my sin.

I began to realize that my thinking is REALLY messed up! I think about myself all.the.time. No wonder I am so self-consumed! I do truly regard myself higher than everyone else … definitely NOT how we are told to think in Romans 12:3 (… I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment …).

 Philippians 2:3 says

Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.

Ha! It says do NOTHING in that manner or for that reason. Nothing. Do you know what nothing means? NO thing, not at all, to no degree. Hmmm. If I am thinking about myself all the time, then I bet that all the time I am doing everything in that manner.

So what does rivalry and conceit mean? You know I'm about to break out the concordance and dictionary, don't you? Bear with me :)

That version above is the ESV and other translations use the words selfish ambition, selfishness, factional motives, and strife. The greek word there is eritheia and it means desire to put oneself forward, self-seeking, self-will and - get this - electioneering & seeking to win followers. Party-making is another word to describe its meaning. And I don't mean party as in "Woohoo - a fun social gathering", I mean party as in "attachment or devotion to one side or faction; partisanship". Remember above when I said that some translations say "factional motives"? That means self-interested and causing conflict within. Electioneering? That means to work for the success of a particular party or candidate, which, in this case, is self … self-interested (factional), remember?

OK … let's move on … the next word there is conceit. Others translate it as vainglory, vain conceit, empty conceit, and empty arrogance. I think that's a pretty self-explanatory word, but just for my own purposes I dug in a little deeper. The Greek word is kenodoxia and it comes from the Greek word kenodoxus which means glory without reason. That makes sense. Now the interesting thing for me is that word comes from 2 root words: kenos, which means empty, devoid of truth, hollowness, absence, and doxa, which means opinion, judgement, estimate, and, in the New Testament, good opinion, praise and worship. Do you get where I am going with this? It literally means to worship something that doesn't deserve it. I am not worthy of praise. I am not worthy of worship. In fact, I am devoid of those things. I am empty of anything worthy of worship. In me dwells no good thing apart from the Holy Spirit. My righteousness is filthy rags!!  Yet here I am worshiping myself!

But there's more! If you'd read this far … thanks! Stay with me …

Humility. There's that word again. The verse says: … but in humility count others as more significant than yourselves. The word humility comes from the Greek word tapeinophrosyne which means lowliness of mind, humility of mind, humbleness of mind. OF MIND. Here we are back to thinking again! This Greek word comes from tapeinos and phren. Tapeinos means "not rising far from the ground" and phren means "the mind".  So to me that's pretty straightforward.  Thinking humbly …

What about counting others?  Some translations say esteeming others, thinking of others, consider others,  and regard one another.  The Greek for count (or esteem, regard, consider) is hegeomai.  It means to lead before the mind.  There's that mind word again!  Hmmm.  There seems to be a pattern here!

And the last Greek word is erecho.  It's translated better than, more important, more highly, and more significant.   The Greek word erecho means to hold or have above, surpassing and higher.  It comes from the words hyper, which means more than, abundantly, and echo, which means hold, have.  I am very visual, so after reading that I imagine leading others before my mind and holding them up higher than myself.

2 Corinthians 10:5 says:

We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ …

I have not been doing that.  I do not take every thought captive to Christ.  Maybe a few, but I really just let my thoughts run rampant, going wherever they feel like going.  Especially thoughts about me, myself and I.  I have been electioneering for ME, I have been working for my own success, I have been self-interested.  Yuck.  Just like a politician!  I have, quite literally, been worshipping myself, even though I know that nothing good dwells in me and only God deserves my worship and praise.

So.  What does all this mean?  It means that I have some work to do, that's what it means!  I see in all of this a recurring theme … the mind.  You know what I need?  A change of mind.

Transparency

I'm basically a transparent person. Oh, I've had that bite me in the fanny before, and I've been hurt from it in the past, but still I can say I'm pretty open. But as I have been doing this Seeking Him study God has been showing me some things about myself that are just ugly. Really. Many of the things I knew existed, but I didn't realize how deep they ran.

So I sit here on the one hand wanting to share with you all that God is doing in me, and on the other hand wanting to keep it all to myself. I have found this blog to be a great way for me to organize my thoughts about things I am learning. Many times God speaks to me about issues while I am writing about them. I love that. I love how He works. But still on these particular things I find myself not wanting to be quite so transparent with the world.

The past few mornings my time with the Lord has been so sweet and I have been writing in the margins of the study book everything that He is teaching me about me and about Himself. It's been a lot for me to wrap my head around, quite frankly.

I don't know. I'm not sure. I want to share because I know that 1) it blesses my friends and family (as you have told me in various ways) and b) because writing about it helps me organize and gain more insight. Hmmm. I'll have to think about this ...

I Have Built An Altar ...

I've been working on my roman shades for my living room and listening to my iTunes shuffle songs.  An old song that I haven't heard in a while just came on. I ♥ it. It's Michael W. Smith's Lord Have Mercy. Take a listen:

And the lyrics:

Jesus, I've forgotten the words that You have spoken
Promises that burned within my heart have now grown dim
With a doubting heart I follow the paths of earthly wisdom
Forgive me for my unbelief
Renew the fire again

Lord have mercy
Christ have mercy
Lord have mercy on me

I have built an altar where I worship things of men
I have taken journeys that have drawn me far from You
Now I am returning to Your mercies ever flowing
Pardon my transgressions
Help me love You again

Lord have mercy
Christ have mercy
Lord have mercy on me

I have longed to know You and Your tender mercies
Like a river of forgiveness ever flowing without end
I bow my heart before You in the goodness of Your presence
Your grace forever shining
Like a beacon in the night

Lord have mercy
Christ have mercy
Lord have mercy on me

The line that always speaks to me is "I have built an altar where I worship things of men". Lord have mercy.