Tuesday, October 12, 2010

the eye of the beholder

So … I have wasted A LOT of film.  {translate that as I have lost some of my $!} … However, I have also tumbled upon information that I previously did not know.  I have been enlightened.  And it cost me some precious pennies.  And this is what I have come to understand: light is fundamental for proper development.  Bright light.  Bright SUN light.  And it's imperative to leave the exposure compensation alone, dead-center.  At least for my particular beloved Polaroid.  Dead.Center.

During this process of enlightenment I became frustrated.  I made several under-developed or blurry (or both) photographs.  It was a pain.  And I was seemingly-wasting precious film (and $!).  But one day the lightbulb came on and … A HA!  Bright Sunlight is the key! I was so excited to discover this.  Here are my latest Polaroids:

 The fence around my garden ♥
 Grace with her Bitty Baby stroller ♥
And Grace being silly ♥

To many of you these pictures may not be pleasing.  Some may wonder why in the world take the time and money to make these photos with an old-school Polaroid when I have a perfectly wonderful new digital camera with which to make fabulously flawless photos.  And I do ♥ my digital camera.  But there's just something about the Polaroid that thrills me.

God has been revealing Himself to me over the past couple of months and peeling back the onion layers.  And I am becoming wild about imperfection. I find myself growing WILDly in love with things that are flawed.

And me?  I am flawed.  I am most certainly not perfect {surprise!} … I am broken.  And it has taken me YEARS to realize that it is okay.  In fact … God is WILD about my non-perfection!  He is WILDLY in love with people who are flawed!  Me being one of those precious, imperfect souls.

That's hard for me to write actually.  That I am precious.  That I am imperfect.  And that God loves me wildly anyway.  Maybe even BECAUSE of it.

In order to discover this truth, however, it was crucial that I be in the Light.  Bright LIGHT.  Oh sure, I go to church and cherish good God-honoring music and I talked with the Lord from time to time.  But that wasn't bright Light and most of the time my life was blurry and under-developed.  As I have begun to spend more and more time in the BRIGHT Light of the Father's presence and in the precious Light of His Word, I am starting to see just how fundamental it is for proper development.

Now, "proper development" is in the eye of the beholder.  Some may behold my Polaroids and think that I am crazy for thinking they are lovely.  And some may think I am wasting my time, my talents, my money.  I have even thought those thoughts from time to time.  But when I sit down and look at my properly developed Polaroids I simply adore them.  And I don't really care what anyone else thinks.

I am aware that I am guilty of concern over who is beholding me in my life.  What will ______  think?  Does ______ like me?  If only I were perfect at ______!  Such concerns make for an exhausting and sell out life.  But I have learned that it's only important that God is beholding me.  And to Him I am perfectly imperfect.  And I like it that way.  I don't really need to care what anyone else thinks.

1 comment:

  1. well put! We spend so much of our life comparing ourselves to "so&so" that we forget that God loves us and has no desire for us to be anything like "so&so". I struggle with the "what do they think of me" syndrome and I'm trying to work on that. Of course, rather, I should say, I'm asking God to take that insecurity away.


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