And speaking of being sort of a mess for a while … I think all the renovating we're doing on our home is simply a reflection of what is going on INSIDE of me. Since we have lived here I have been going through a lot … starting with a miscarriage (we moved her in the midst of it), then a rough pregnancy, but great delivery of a healthy and wonderful, but very demanding little girl (but oh, does she bring me joy!!). After that there was some personal and relationship junk & experiences that just left me dry spiritually and emotionally. And as my soul sat fallow so did my home.
But I feel like I am waking up as I am seeking the Lord with my whole heart … I am breaking up this fallow ground and through this process I am coming alive again.
Speaking of coming alive again … I finally (FINALLY) planted my veggie garden for this year. It is MUCH smaller than last year's garden. Last year I went a little crazy and decided that I would plant enough stuff to can for the coming winter. Little did I know that I had actually planted too little, even though I planted a lot! So I never had enough of anything at one time to can and we got tired of having zucchini at every meal along with zucchini bread, zucchini muffins, etc. Confession time! I got so overwhelmed by the garden that I just let it become overgrown. There. I said it. All 3 of you who think that I am Caroline Ingalls can collectively gasp now! ;-)
Seriously, though, I think it's a picture of my heart's condition. I got overwhelmed and just gave up rather than plowing through it, doing what it took to make it what it needed to be. I wasn't even going to plant a garden this year. Caroline Ingalls here was not going to do it this year. I had given up on the gardening thing. Much as I had given up and allowed my soul to become neglected and impoverished.
Back to the garden … this year I thought it was wise to scale back. A lot. So I just have 3 better boys, 3 romas, 3 jalapenos, 2 zucchini and some basil, oregano, thyme, and cilantro. Just a little 8' x 14' plot. And nothing fancy. Just a mound of dirt with some plants. And it just may soon be the burial ground for my dog if I find another broken plant like I did this afternoon!
I also have fruit! Yes … strawberries and blueberries! OK … another confession time. That overwhelmedness at my garden last year also pertained to my strawberries. So I sat their pots on the side of the yard (where my old/new plot is) and left them there to … die. Yes. I know. But guess what?? They didn't die!! In fact … they are thriving! We picked enough to fill a large bowl the other day:
And my blueberries? Well, the only bad thing I did with them last year was that I didn't cover them with a bird net and so birds ate every.last.one. I won't make that mistake this year! I need to go get one this week as a matter of fact … check them out:
What a joy it is was to look over one day and see the wonderful, red, juicy strawberries growing! And after I had just left them to die! It's such a great metaphor for my heart's condition and for the Father's love for us. I just left my heart to die. Truly that is what I did. But God, in His graciousness and faithfulness has seen to it that I come back to life! Oh how He loves us!
I am looking forward to a fruitful summer!