A New year ... A New Word

At the end of every year I spend some time evaluating my life and evaluating myself. I don't really make resolutions (those always get broken), but I do think about what I need to improve on, focus on for the future. The end of the year is a good time for me to look back and see areas of improvement and areas of need within myself.

One way that I do this is by selecting a word for the year. In looking back on the year I ponder what seems to be the thing that God is focusing on teaching me at that time. In 2009 my word was LOVE. I knew at the end of last year that I really needed to learn how to love, that I didn't really understand what real love was. Interestingly I learned an incredible amount about what real love is during this past year. But it took almost the entire year for there to be some real change in my heart, in my attitude, and in my behavior. My heart was warmed just the other night when my oldest told me that she could see a change in me. Just thinking about that fact makes me smile so big. And I notice it too. I sense the change in me that has become a real and lasting change, not just a fleeting "I'm trying harder" change.

Well, here we are at the end of another year. I have being giving thought to what I want my word for 2010 to be. Lately the Lord has been showing me how consumed I am with myself. Really. It is absurd. And I have always been this way. Oh, I have made some improvement in this area over the years, but I am still ridiculously self-absorbed.

If you know me at all then you know I ♥ the dictionary and definitions and synonyms and antonyms. So here are a few definitions and such for selfish:

–adjective
1. devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one's own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others.
2. characterized by or manifesting concern or care only for oneself

Synonyms:
conceited, egoistic, egoistical, egomaniacal, egotistic, egotistical, individualist, individualistic, megalomaniac, narcissistic, pompous, self-absorbed, self-centered, self-concerned, self-indulgent, self-interested, self-loving, self-serving, selfish, stuck-up, vainglorious, wrapped up in oneself

Yep. That about sums it up.

So. I've been mulling over just the right word for 2010 and I think it's going to be: SELFLESS. Yes. That's the word. Selfless. I hope and pray that at the end of 2010 I will be be able to say that I have changed, just as I am able to say about 2009.

Happy New year and blessings to you all!!